Dale was one of my best friends for 15 incredible years.  We met many many years ago at the Dayton Playhouse, where I was the Stage Manager for a show called "Two by Two" (a musical about Noah's Ark).  Dale auditioned for the part of Ham; Noah's son.  My first reaction when I spotted him in the lobby was that he was strikingly handsome, but he seemed to have a very approachable demeanor.  The place was full of people there to audition, but he is actually the only one I really noticed.  I could just tell there was something different (fun, energetic, friendly) about him.  Some of the people there already knew him because he had been active in community theatre for a while.  I remember wanting to meet him and learn more about him.  He just drew people in... but at the time, I had a job to do and was all business with a lot of people to organize for the audition.

Later that day, I was sitting on one of the steps in the audience section, and Dale came up behind me. I can't recall exactly what he said, but I remember him making a snarky crack about the pants I was wearing (a pair of purple-ish Calvin Klein cords...give me a break, it was the early 80's).  I turned around and laughed because he had this big dorky grin on his face.  Yes, he was poking fun at my expense, but he said it just to get my attention (and I am a fan of 'snark' after all). For some reason, he was drawn to me as much as I was drawn to him.  I think our friendship was supposed to be.

When he got up on stage to do his audition, he started off strong but midway through forgot the words to "Impossible Dream".  I thought for sure that he wasn't going to be cast in the show because of that mistake. Nevertheless, the director saw some of the same things that I saw and cast him in the role). Now that we were working together on the play, we got to know each other better at rehearsals.  As the rehearsals progressed, I would spend more and more time talking to him and getting to know him.  One evening (while we were rehearsing at the Director's house) Dale asked me if I wanted to go to a movie later that week.  I thought he was asking me out on a date - He was, but not that kind of date.  In hindsight, I'm glad because we became the best of friends instead.

The night we went out was the first (and last) meal he ever cooked for me in all the years that I knew him. I went over to his apartment, and he made a simple meal of pork chops, broccoli and potatoes.   It was fine, but Dale just didn't really like to cook.  If he could pull it out of the fridge or a cupboard and eat it, it was a perfect food for him.  I spent a good bit of time in the next 15 years cooking for him, but that was the one and only time he cooked for me. I think we saw "Ordinary People" that night after dinner at the movies.  We also spent a good part of the next 15 years developing our mutual passion of the movies together.

We really did become instant friends.  It felt as if we knew each other our whole lives.  He could get into my head and I could get into his.  We were close from the beginning, and as time passed, our friendship just continued to build. Our friendship became stronger and stronger as the years went by, living together at times (once in the Oregon district in Dayton, and twice in Chicago).  We were inseparable for long stretches, we finished each other's sentences, and many people thought we were brothers. When we lived together, no one could tell the difference between he and I on the phone (not even his parents).  I think we absorbed each other's speech patterns.  

Dale is the primary reason I moved to Chicago.  He was now working for United Airlines and I fell in love with the city when I went to visit.  When I was in the market for a job change, I had an offer from a company in Chicago, and one in Cincinnati.  My first instinct was to take what was safe and close to home, but Dale convinced me that I needed a change and that I could do well in Chicago.  I also wanted to be closer to him, so I headed off to the Windy City.  I have to thank Dale for that, since it was the best career move of my life.

Dale had a great child-like quality to him.  He liked primary colors, cute things, toys (he had a 6 foot stuffed Bugs Bunny). He loved to laugh like Pee Wee Herman, and always knew how to bring the fun out of any situation. Sometimes he would just act like the biggest kid, but it was always endearing and fun - never obnoxious.  Music was his passion.  His brain was filled with some of the most archaic information about songs or musical artists.

He worked in a variety of jobs.  When I first met him, he cut hair.  Later, he became a claims adjuster at an Insurance company, a financial bookkeeper for a cancer hospital, a zip-code key puncher at the Post Office, a mailman, and finally, a flight attendant for United Airlines. That was his calling.  He was so friendly, smart, good-looking and funny that he put everyone at ease.  He was really comfortable in that profession and enjoyed the travel.

Dale was always searching, like many, for a comfortable, peaceful life filled with what he saw was the 'ideal' which to him meant the white-picket fence, dogs, someone to love him, little stress and simple happiness.  He made his mistakes, made some enemies, and had regrets, but who among us doesn't?  He always told me that the one true love of his life was Larry Kurdek.  He and Larry got involved about 30 years ago.  It was far from under the best of circumstances (since Larry was in a relationship at the time), but it's part of Dale's history.  It didn't last and years later, Dale said that during that time he was too young and immature to understand that the perfect life and the perfect man is an impossible find.  He had who and what he wanted, but sabotaged the relationship when he actually achieved it.  Regardless of the mistakes and the regret, many years after the fact he still held Larry up in his own mind as the kind of guy he wanted to ultimately find (again).  In his 30's he achieved most of the life that he wanted, at least for a short time.

His life was actually filled with people who loved him.  He had Ric Roe, Luthor Goins and Chris DeJonghe as very special friends.  I was there for him every step of the way - I would have done anything for him.  He loved his family and held a special place in his heart for his nieces and nephews.  He was heartbroken when his nephew Shawn passed away from aplasic-anemia.  He adored his pets.  First, little Bosco-bean , and later, Abby, Katie, Sadie and Maggie (the 4 mini's).  He was so lucky to have so many people who loved him, and who he loved in return.  He was also the hub of the wheel between family and other relationships.  He held the spokes together.

Dale got tested for AIDS (8 years prior to his death) at my urging.  When I got tested and came out negative, I was so relieved, that I wanted to share that feeling.  I wanted Dale to be able to eliminate the burdon of fear as well. At the time, AIDS was considered a death sentence since there were no real effective treatments.  I really didn't think his test would turn out positive, but when he got the results, he called me in a state of shock.  We both just sat on the phone and cried.  Although at times he regretted knowing his status (and I had guilt and regret over urging him to get tested) I know it was the right thing to do - because the preventative measures he took (on instruction of his doctors) kept him alive longer.  Unfortunately, the combination drug cocktails that keep people alive today were not being used at the time.  AZT was toxic and some of the other drugs of the day made Dale sick. 

Fast forward eight years... Although the drugs were taking their toll on Dale (he contracted pancreatitis), and his features and weight started to change, I think I was in complete denial that anything would ever happen to him.  No one knew (including his doctor) that the extended soreness in his throat was the warning sign of his imminent death.  I was wakened early on the morning of August 7, 1994 by a phone call from his partner.  All he said was "we lost Dale last night".  I completely broke down...  A lot of me died that day.  I had never lost anyone that I loved that much and it was the worst point in my life.  It felt like what I imagine losing a twin would feel.  

We found out later that Dale had squamis-cell cancer on the side of his neck (which I suspect was causing the throat soreness).  It's unfortunately a not-all-that-uncommon complication for AIDS victims.   The cancer had taken it's toll on his carotid artery (why could the doctors not see this until after he was gone?!?!).  We have to be thankful at least that Dale didn't suffer in pain for any length of time.  The sore throat was more of just an irritant to him.  I wish I could have been there with Dale that night.  He wasn't alone, but I just wish I could have been there to hold his hand and try to take away any fear.  That part tortures me to this day... I know he must have been scared.

Over time, we've all had to move forward of course, but I honestly can't think of one day since where I didn't think about Dale.  I can't believe it's been 15 years since he left us.  The pain is still there.  It's numb, but there.

I had a very special "reminder" on the one-year anniversary of his death.  On August 7, 1995, I was in Maui with a friend, sitting in a beautiful open-air restaurant overlooking a stunning waterfall.  White swans & pink flamingos were swimming in the pool beneath the falls.  I was watching the palm trees sway in the wind in the foreground.  We were both incredibly relaxed from a long vacation and completely at peace in paradise.  Of course Dale had been on my mind most of the day, since it was exactly one year (to the day) from the date he passed.  The grand piano started up behind me, and the first song was "On my Own" from Les Miserables.  Les Miz was Dale's favorite musical, and that song was the song from which we extracted a quote on his quilt panel.  After that was another song from Les Miz, followed by his favorite Streisand song (his favorite artist).  I started to get weepy because there were so many musical reminders of Dale all in a row.  I thought that if there was any way that Dale could give me a message from beyond, it would be through music.  I took that moment mixed with peacefulness, beauty and Dale's music as my sign that he was OK, and he was at peace.  Later, after getting home and developing pictures taken at the restaurant, I noticed something on my friend's t-shirt that didn't register before.  It just said "Heaven".   Whatever you may personally believe, I take comfort in that moment.  I really feel like he was trying to tell me that he was fine on the "other side".  Regardless, it was the moment I was able to let some of the sadness go.

Ric, Fred, Luthor and myself memorialized Dale by creating a quilt panel for the AIDS memorial quilt.  Unfortunately, the creation of the panel cause a rift between us, Dale's family, Van, and Chris, who all seemed to want to ignore (or hide) the fact that Dale had AIDS.  I've since learned that a lot of people want to re-write history once someone dies, because of their own shame or embarrassment. AIDS is a disease.  Dale was not ashamed.  He was quiet about it, but primarily because he didn't want people to pity him or treat him differently.  Had he died in a war, I believe the people who were against the quilt would have been waving their flags of patriotism for Dale.  We refused to let Dale die under a cloud of someone else's shame, so we pressed on with the quilt, and the panel was shown in the last complete display in Washington DC in October 1996 (see the panel below).

I know Dale would have appreciated the memorial, but he would have hated the problems it caused.  He was always the one to bring people together, not draw them apart.  I still feel that we knew Dale better than most people... after all, I was the person to whom he confided. People against the quilt kept telling us he wouldn't have wanted it, but we felt the opposite.  They felt that way because they didn't want to advertise the fact that Dale had AIDS.  So once again, that was their own 'shame', not Dale's.   We had to create something to mourn Dale in our way, not someone else's.  It's another part of his story, his history. 

Dale's panel is at the bottom left of the picture below.  The bright yellow is representative of the primary colors to which he was always drawn.  The red carnations strewn about were his favorite flower.  The quote from Les Miz reads "without him, the world around me changes... the trees are bare and everywhere, the streets are full of strangers".  This speaks to the way we felt without him here.  The four dachshunds are, of course, his four girls. Maggie is dressed up as "Cozette" from Les Miserables, Sadie is Barbra Streisand, Abby is dressed up as a United Flight Attendant, and Katie (his special girl) is sad, holding a large red carnation in her mouth.  The stem of the flower winds up into the center of the bloom in the shape of Dale's unique signature.

I loved Dale.  He changed and  forever altered my life.  I'm a better person, a better man, and a better friend for having known him. I know he's safe and hope that he's enjoying the company of his nephew Shawn, Katie, Jeff B and Jim F.  I can't wait to see him again in the next life.