Some people are like Slinkies... Not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

~ Anonymous

"Men are like Linoleum.  If you lay them well, you can walk on them for the next 30 years".

~Grace Kelly

"Why am I so good at playing bitches?  I think it's because I'm not a bitch.  Maybe that's why Miss Crawford always plays ladies".

~Bette Davis

"The best time I ever had with Joan Crawford was when I pushed her down the stairs in "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?"

~Bette Davis

"She is the original good time that was had by all.  She has slept with every male star at MGM except Lassie...  Hollywood's first case of syphilis - I wouldn' t sit on her toilet."

~Bette Davis... on Miss Crawford

"My mother always told me to say something good for those who are dead.  Joan Crawford is dead.  Good".

~Bette Davis

"Gay Liberation? I ain't against it, it's just that there's nothing in it for me".

~Bette Davis

"If you spend enough time with her you'll learn all kinds of worthless shit".
~Bette Davis... once again on Miss Crawford

"You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image, when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do".

~Anne Lamott

"War.  Rape.  Murder.  Poverty.  Equal rights for gays.  Guess which one the Southern Baptist Convention is protesting?"

~The Value of Families

"The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt".

~Dennis Miller

"The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals.

That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision".

~Lynn Lavner

If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work:

"Hello. Can't work today, still queer." ~Robin Tyler

"Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?"

~Ernest Gaines

"You could move."

~Abigail Van Buren, (Dear Abby), in response to a reader who complained that a gay couple was

moving in across the street and wanted to know what he could do to improve the quality of the neighborhood

"I'd rather be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother".

~Charles Pierce, 1980

"That word 'lesbian' sounds like a disease.  And straight men know because they're sure that they're the cure".

~Denise McCanles

"It always seemed to me a bit pointless to disapprove of homosexuality.

It's like disapproving of rain".

~Francis Maude

"What would bug the Taliban more than to see a gay woman in a suit surrounded by Jews?"

~Host Ellen DeGeneres, on why it was right for the Emmys to go on after Sept. 11

"I sometimes think that God, in creating man, overestimated His ability".

~Oscar Wilde

"It is not a lie, it's a terminological inexactitude"

~Alexander Haig (covering his ass)

"When I was in the military they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one".

~From the tombstone of a gay Vietnam veteran

"Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with

M16s going,  "Who'd you call a faggot?"

~ Jon Stewart

"Soldiers who are not afraid of guns, bombs, capture, torture or death say they are afraid of homosexuals.

Clearly, we should not be used as soldiers; we should be used as weapons".

~Letter to the Editor, The Advocate

"You don't have to be straight to be in the military; you just have to be able to shoot straight".

~Barry Goldwater

"Nixon was the most dishonest individual I have ever met in my life. He lied to his wife, his family, his friends,

his colleagues in the Congress, lifetime members of his own political party, the American people and the world".

~Barry Goldwater (the same could be said of George W. Bush)

"He and I had an office so tiny that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery".

~Dorothy Parker

"If all the young ladies who attended the Yale promenade dance were laid end to end, no one would be the least surprised".

~Dorothy Parker

"You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think".

~Dorothy Parker - when asked to use the word 'horticulture' in a sentence.

"If you didn't want to be in the show, why didn't you just tell us?"

~A card in the flowers sent by the producers of tv's "Married with Children" at Divine's funeral.  He died the night before taping.

"Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess".
~Oscar Wilde

 "I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters."

~ Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)

"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good."

~ Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)

"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important."

~ Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)

"Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open".

~ Sir James Dewar, Scientist (1877-1925)

"Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives."

~ Abba Eban (1915-2002)

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."

~ Sharon Stone

"How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself."

~ Anais Nin (1903-1977)

"There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life."

~ Frank Zappa

"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense."

~ Tom Clancy

"God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time."

~ Robin Williams

"Most people are other people.  Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."

~ Oscar Wilde

"If a million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing".

~ Anatole France (1844-1924)

"When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other".

~ Eric Hoffer (1902-1983)

"History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon".

~ Napoleon Bonaparte

Let’s see.  So the bible says homosexuality is wrong...

Leviticus 20:13: “If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.”

And it also says:

Mark 10:11: “whosoever shall put away his wife and marry another commiteth adultery against her.”  Leviticus 20:10: “And the man that commiteth adultery with another man’s wife...the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.”

Leviticus 20:9: “For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall surely be put to death: He has cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him."

Deuteronomy 22:20: ..."But suppose the man's accusations are true, and her virginity could not be proved. “Deuteronomy 22:21: "Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father’s house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die...so shalt thou put away evil from Israel.”

Exodus 35:2: "For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day shall be your holy day, a Sabbath of rest to the LORD. Whoever does any work on it must be put to death."

Leviticus 20:27: "A man or woman who is a medium or spiritist among you must be put to death. You are to stone them; their blood will be on their own heads."

What have we learned here?  Being queer, having an affair, getting remarried, cursing your parents, not being a virgin bride, saying "God Damn it", working on a Sunday, and being a psychic are all sins that carry the same penalty of death, according to the bible.   Ain't it funny how just the homos take the heat?

Copyright (c) 2005 SteveAmann.com All rights reserved.